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Anxiety Queen
jewlsies: how do straight white boys survive in the real world
grasshaus: don’t confuse accents and language barriers with lack of intelligence
immzies-adventures-through-books: The year Hogwarts reopens The Great Hall is quiet when the first years come in. They are watched by everyone else, but even the young ones can see gaps in the tables, and they knew it was from the students who would
magittarius: you’re my favorite notification.
disneyprincessoflyrian: zulubunsen: blueivysedges:buttcheekpalmkang:sittingatthetypewriter:cashemoji: nasturbate: drunktrophywife: nasturbate: ahh yes the basketball. males 12+ only. nice Except there’s a difference between men’s basketballs
thechronicleofshe: unfollowfriday: white boys be like “im gonna make you come so hard” and ur like, what to my senses every time i see this i’m thrown into hysterics because for some reason i NEVER anticipate the ending of this sentence
missfloridian: As a 19 year old, I oddly love Target as if I were a suburban mother of four
chicanaspice: legendarymotherofshade: erincrocodile: wizzard890: kaylapocalypse: lockelamora: hellkn1ght: borderline-sunflower: i was on the train and 3 drunk girls saw me and said i had nice brown eyes so they sang “brown eyed girl” to me
kembracaves: getting married on Halloween would be great because 1) never have to worry about forgetting the anniversary 2) forget formal wear, guests should arrive in costumes 3) pumpkin pie wedding cake??? 4) also I’d want to toss a pumpkin instead
xwatchmerise: merosse: If u see a guy with long hair he’s either gorgeous or fucking weird and the answer lays in what type of shoe he’s wearing This is the best post I’ve ever read
https://64.media.tumblr.com/avatar_96ef3dd23534_512.png
mothurs: doctor: *places fingers on my neck to check pulse* me: choke me daddy
codeinewarrior: professor: why did you type everything in italics? do you even know how to turn caps lock off? me: SORRY FOR SMELLING LIKE CIGARETTE SMOKE AND STARING AT YOU ALL THE TIME AND LAUGHING TOO LOUD AND HAVING A SHAKY VOICE WHEN YOU TELL ME
jaclcfrost: here’s a concept: me, riding your ceiling fan like a gargoyle. you, smacking me with a broom. both of us are yelling
actuallycrying: I can’t believe my nipples are illegal
shittyidea: Flip your condoms inside out when you’re done to get twice the use
oceanicsteam: veggieburqers: beauty comes in all shapes and sizes I’m pretty sure this is like the 5th time I’ve reblogged this because omg
Netflix and bondage
deathpup: shrexything: babyferaligator: oomshi: is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing no its called highjacking guys no it’s weedwhacking no its called dissapointing ur mother
nursary: *some dude looks at me* me: 📢 do you have a problem
jaymeshaze: fonzworthcutlass: ericaclark1908: pr1nceshawn: The struggle was real. They will never fucking know! I swear. But I could still send a 2 paragraph text in 30seconds. did no one have t9?
Even Infinity is Relatively Measurable
Princess
Fuck off.
garjxo: ok
theescortbunny: srkdall: 5265ad: I’m grown but I’m not grown grown Which means I know how to ride a dick but I’m still not sure how taxes work. Still relevant.
pomfette: date a boy who thinks all your jokes are funny and is slightly afraid youre going to snap his neck unprovoked
saythankyoumaster: That’s a good girl.
Slap me then kiss me
Life is better on the other side
utterly-insane-panda: Me
joyri: me: i love minding my own Business ! something: happens me:
screamandshout: me texting people back
pokec0re: When bae lies to u but u have screenshots
Caring Daddy
meloetta: mosquito: *about to bite me* me: umm i have a bf
xxojessicarabbitsmind: lilmissrealitycheck: surprisebitch: how the fuck does giraffes relate to the illuminati is that enough proof for u HOW HAVE WE BEEN SO BLIND
maxinecrump: !!! NO NO NO !!!
carolinegoldfarb: BIEBZ NUDES GOT ME FEELIN SOME TYPE OF WAY DAMN ZADDY
Broken Doll
high on life
flaccidtrip: when he sticks the tip in
pon-raul: when u accidentally pour too much alcohol into ur mixed drunk and u have to tough it up Bc momma didn’t raise a quitter
rarnon: same
I'm Cat And I Think You're Very Lovely xoxoxoxoxo
Almost There
VISIT TOYDIRTY.COM
astrolocherry: Sagittarius is a double bodied sign. Without the integration of polar states, the inner life my be characterised by loose and changeable identity, dissociated values, a restless mind, and the experience of dual states of consciousness
pressedpigment: me: *buying more makeup* I live for temporary material satisfaction also when will I die
itsbrucemclaren: BMW 2002
just-shower-thoughts: School pictures may be the first time children hold a physical copy of a photograph these days.
Well Damn
luisgpiercing: Hahahahaha
aintyourpuddin: onehellabutler: BELIEVE in yourself. believe in yourself, ask that guy out, drop that toxic friend, bury that body, elude the cops, commit more murders. you can do anything if you believe in yourself.