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Marker doodle I did for my pal foxid for Christmas. Annoyed that the lines smeared a bit but bleh it came out decent otherwise.
fortuneellie: I colored it with markers and pencil. :)
the worst part about that picture is that I was working with ~6 colored pencils and no pencil sharpener (because I was NOT going to use my makeup sharpener for that one). so when I wanted to go in and make santana’s skin tone darker I realized
Its kind of sad that I let my anxiety get the best of me. I almost never go anywhere, and I don’t like traveling. I’m the sort of person that would turn down a free trip to Disney World in exchange for staying home in bed and sleeping because
*random post gets notes* *passes out from the stress in the middle of posting how stressed it makes you*
Reasons I feel so awkward: I am going to be 26 in about a week, and it seems like the people I’m chatting with/have similar interests with are lately about 6+ years younger than me, and the programs I was in frowned upon things like that and I
I just got out of the shower and there was this little teeny tiny spider hanging off of the window sill and I just thought it was really cute!!!
I’ve just been sitting in my chair staring at the wall for most of the night. I’m trying to think of better ways to talk to people. I’m coming up pretty much empty.
Being social is pretty tiring. It was nice to kinda get out and see people I haven’t seen for a while, but some of the conversations the group I was tagging along with were having made me feel a little uneasy. Overall I guess it was good to get
I’ve actually slept a bit more. I was hoping that I could just not exist until work but that’s not going to happen. I couldn’t think of a wish the other day, but today is the day that matters so: I wish my friends could have happy lives
Holy shit, I have slept 7 hours the longest continuous chunk I have gone without waking up in about 8 months. The problem is I still feel like shit. oh well, maybe staying in bed a bit longer will help.
I have been in bed for 12 hours. its been a while since I did that. It is now 4:45PM. Fuck. Its also been a while since I hated myself like this. I want to get out of the house but I honestly only want to do it with the intentions of ruining whatever
New Ash design? More like way to blur the lines between Ash and Red with that damn hat. I have enough trouble as it is sometimes telling the difference between different versions of characters. Hell I have trouble telling some people I’ve know for
I hate things about myself that I can’t even control in the first place. That doesn’t change the fact that they absolutely disgust me though.
That is the last time I let my best friend cook food for me. My stomach still feels like there is a tiny samurai swinging a sword around slicing up the inside of my stomach :(
After goinng though the hell to drag myself out of bed, getting ready, and actually getting out of the house on time, not runnning anyone over drivinng there I find out that its noo longer allowed. I’m going to jjust go cry and maybe drink a bit.
Laptop mode engaged. I’ll probably be fading in and out for the next hour or so. Boy, this is different. I will be ok. The last 5 months have been one hell of a ride! I wonder if always hiding is why my anxiety pretty much went away for so long?
One more day to go. I might actually cosplay Ash tomorrow. I’m still wicked nervous about the idea, but at this point I consider the jacket a security blanket of sorts so maybe it’ll make me feel more safe?
I think today I talked with the most strangers I ever have. I had actual conversations with people, and while the average length was about a minute, They were still real conversations. I’m not sure why I cant easily do things like this for myself
Listening to video game music and driving fast are fun. Especially listening to Mario Kart 64 music. Rainbow Road when driving down a road called Rainbow Road and the Highway theme when doing 110 blasting down the highway weaving between cars and trucks
its 8:53am and I feel like garbage. I realized that I could get up and watch Pokemon and felt a little better for a moment because I always miss it now but then I realized by the time I could fall down the stairs (cant feel my legs, what else is new?)
Decided to go on a bike ride (got my tire fixed finally) Went to put a load of laundry in the washer before I left and was greeted by a nasty smell from the washer. Looks like I left a load of clothes in there since Tuesday and forgot about it. And that
I guess I should be lucking the fact that the only thing that I can say is triggering for me is being stuck with a needle, especially for bloodwork. It brings up things that are seriously not fun. seeing pictures isn;t bad though. Its more controlled.
why is it that I get so scared to talk to people? even if I know them and even online? Its not like I’m face to face with them and I’m in a quiet, safe place. Not to mention I have all the time in the world to say something. Its not like If
also, I appreciate the 2 or 3 of you (idk I was pretty out of it an may have responded with something stupid) that were nice enough to check up on me the other day but really I’m not important or anything so theres no reason to waste time on me.
I burned my hand by accident… That’s the only noteworthy thing I’ve done in the past couple weeks.
I wonder why I feel more secure when I have my ash gloves on. Probably the same reason that I cant do anything other than showering without socks on. Not wearing socks makes me really uncomfortable. Not that I need to wear gloves all the time but its
So I was at my best friends house today and I was messing around in the garage and I I got hit in the face with a bicycle because I do stupid things
Just got home. Had the first good night at work in weeks. Got out early enough to go to the bar. I figured it would be nice and quiet. I got there and I found they were running a special. I bought a nice glass and it was ũ to fill it all night. I only
guess whos awake despite drinking heavily and going to bed at 6am! Guess who was hoping to sleep until 6pm! Guess who can feel their achy legs and the tops of their feet over the ankles are really sore and a little swollen from running miles in boots?
I don’t even know why I have followers in the first place. I’ve actually done what I could to try to stay under the radar and not post things into tags and try not to post things that might get tons of notes or otherwise attract attention.
Aside from the terrible back pain I’ve been having (much worse than usual) I guess I’m doing ok.I played with my gas powered RC truck and I cleaned my room and washed all my laundry so despite the fact that it feels like my back has like
12 hours from now I will be at work. Last year I had ridiculous hours that messed up my sleep schedule that I still haven’t recovered from. This year the hours are not so crazy but the workload is. It has completely ruined any chances of ever
I’ve been thinking about a random person from elementary school in a program I was in and how everyone, including the teacher would call him names. He wasn’t a mean person, but his last name was very similar to the word “libel”
It fucking sucks that this started with me thinking about how my rib hadn’t been hurting for a while and then I started thinking about how I got the injury in the first place and now I’m having trouble not thinking about it and its starting
I suddenly remembered the lump on the back of my head. Its been there for like 2 weeks now and its swollen and throbbing right now.
well, tomorrow its back to “reality” I guess. The last week went by like a blur but it slowed down at the two points that really mattered when I was visiting friends. My mom was happy to see me “more relaxed and less stressed”
I’m not a good person, but I’m not posting the writeup I just did of the worst thing I’ve ever done nor am I going to tell anyone. I guess I get to keep my friends/followers (provided you all want to stay I guess) a while longer as
*grabs the hilt of a Honedge while playing with the ears of an espurr*
When I was at the bar for the party someone yelled out ASH KETCHUM!!! and pointed at me and I didn’t know what to do so I kinda grabbed my hat and threw more of a Red type pose Then he asked about Pikachu and I took out a Pokeball and said that
Like really, because it makes me feel calmer when I put it on. Thats why I wear it to bed and around the house all the time, It makes me feel more secure. When I take it off, its almost like a little bit of anxiety pops up, but not really enough to really
Forcing someone that is hospitalized to leave their room to “socialize” when they are uncomfortable and unhappy being around people then dragging them kicking and screaming down the hall when they hide under one of the couches and lock them
I have to leave for work in 20 minutes and I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet. I just want to stay in bed dressed like Ash Ketchum all day. I hate how vulnerable I feel when I put the jacket away for the day before work :( Oh well, time to get
this is why I’ve been staying the fuck away. because Im just a stupid negative piece of shit, and probably will only get worse all the way though to christmas.
I don’t even reblog giveaway posts and stuff because even if I won, I still feel like theres someone else more deserving of winning something, and just being in the string and adding that one extra note is enough to throw off the person that was
When I see myself in the mirror with my Ash Ketchum Jacket on, its kinda calming. Almost the same thing happens when I look down and see it.
I really like the feel of the fabric on these new pants. its calming.
Every time I try to think of myself as an old person I get the sense that I’m not supposed to live that long and I’m pretty much just waiting for something to happen fairly soon maybe in the next few years like a car accident or something.
Sometimes I think about how I’m constantly fucking up with friendships and I’m at the point that I don’t really want to try and I’m surprised the universe hasn’t somehow gotten some sort of workaround in place to divert people away from me.
I just want to say that I DIDN’T freak out inside when I couldn’t find my favorite Ash Ketchum shirt where I last put it. I took a deep breath and checked around and found that it had fallen off the hanger and was on the floor and I’m
My mom fell down the stairs and is going to the hospital.
I think that theres a person at work that has a tumblr. I had a conversation about Twitch plays pokemon but they’re the one that brought it up. They probably saw it elsewhere but still IDK. its the guy I sorta have a crush on
I don’t do anything. I mean I literally do nothing. I work part time during the week and in my free time I either sleep or sit on the computer. I don’t go anywhere or do anything other than grocery shopping. I have absolutely nothing useful to anything,
and now its time for a random story: on time I was moving trailers around at work and the 5th wheel (the round thing a trailer attaches to on a tractor trailer truck) jaws were not working. I was moving a 16 thousand lb fully loaded trailer floating
Whe I was younger and trying to make friends no one wanted to be around me because of the swarm of mosquitoes around me constantly. They would say things like “ugh, who brought all the bugs over?” then tell me to go away.
My belt tore out of the buckle earlier when I was changing for work and I got upset and screamed and cursed and threw it at the wall and its trash night and I was going to throw it out but I was able to fix it with a razor blade and a screwdriver. I cut
woke up and couldn’t slepp and after 15 minutes of digging around in the cabinet i found severe cold and flu relief cough syrup. It was the only thing with a decongestant so i took it. not that this is severe, it’s just really fucking annoying that
I went to the chiropractor today and there’s a new person that’s just been hired as a replacement to the creepy one that’s been missing for weeks and they’re nice but they seem to over hype my injuries. Yeah they hurt. Sometimes a fuckton. But
I outran blue and red flashing lights earlier this week. It was a rush and it was just a thought out of no where to just go for it cause I would have been totally fucked if caught. they were on the other side of the road and had to go up to turn around
Ive been incredibly busy with work and have been so tired and I was downstairs talking to my mom and then I said I needed to leave and for some reason started walking bacwards in a circle in the middle of the living room sayong whoa whoa whoa because
