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Girlfriend made me a pie. I think she’s trying to kill me and collect the life insurance money.

incorrect48quotes:KONAN: Nontii, my old friend.Nontii: I think you tried to kill me at some point.KONAN: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.

This is what my sister sent me on Skype……I think she’s trying to kill me

morethanonepage: e-seal: e-seal: im what the lads call a “Mary Sue” if my writers tried to kill me to advance a man’s arc i would simply say no thank you rip to the protagonist’s gf but i’m different

luvphattazz: n-zzz: Steven Beck trying to kill me. Damn I need to see more…………..

rosebythesea: rainbowriddler: rosebythesea: rainbowriddler: littlespyder:You’re welcome! rosebythesea are you trying to kill me, reblogging this??? Too much perfect all in one place!Well I don’t want to be the only one who dies from her extreme

grimphantom: bluedragonkaiser: monsterman25: riendonut: Welp that’s it this game is trying to kill me *HEAD EXPLODES* ♥♥♥♥ DAYUM WAYFORWARD! This is why we have to support Wayforward more! I hate we cant use this outfit in new game plus

iszjaneway: youaregoingtobeok:Fran Comes Home(you should have seen the hilarity of Sid trying to figure out how to put all that stuff on.)epilogue:

they trying to kill me with this bullshit at work. Like just cause you went to school to do what I do don’t mean shit dude, or else I wouldn’t be training your little simple ass.

im trying to go to sleep but my foot hurts so goddamn bad and these percocets arent kicking in and im getting mad.

dear manda and molly are you trying to kill me? there are faster ways you know do i have to suffer?

nickmillertime replied to your post: dear manda and molly are you trying to kill me?… i’m sorry (i’m not)

taraknowlesbest replied to your post: dear manda and molly are you trying to kill me?… je ne regrette rien

fuocogo:was gonna do a comic about taako trying to keep that spell up 24/7 but realized all i really wanted to draw was kravitz appreciating all seasons of taako

Watch me flail around for 15 minutes trying to kill a dragon in Dragon Age: Inquisition and then, miraculously, succeed

I had a strange dream about that cute boy at work. He was a terrorist and he tried to kill me and we fought but I won and tied him up and he told me where the thing was and he was taken away.

almostgonexx: jeanvaljeanralphio: The next time you feel down, just remember that Bruce Banner tried to kill himself and Tony Stark has anxiety attacks, and they’ve both saved the world. You will be okay. This legitimately makes me feel better

lostlittle–noelle: luckied: “Gee, nice way to say ‘hello’.” “Last time i ran into you military, you tried to kill me! Come to think of it… I THINK IT WAS YOU.” “Eh?” Jean stared at the young woman.

czechfaker: Okay but like what if some hot dude is trying to kill me by choking me with his hands and i get hard. what do i do then…?

so i played against dspstanky today and i’m??????

slavegisele: somecutehoe: gcowner: thepatriarchyalwayswins: somecutehoe: To celebrate 3,000 followers AND my new shock collar, here’s a video! 😳 Amazing. Brilliant. How high does the setting go? 12? 100! (they’re trying to kill me, I

moisemorancy: *WARNING EXPLICIT LANGUAGE*“He was touching a little 15 yr old girl!”“He tried to KILL me!”“DON’T TOUCH HER AGAIN!.”“He lunged at me and he went in his pocket.”So I’m on my way home from the studio finalizing my debut

thehighpriestofreverseracism: thehighpriestofreverseracism: thehighpriestofreverseracism: why daniel caesar and to think I was rooting for this nigga lool bossip really trying to kill me😭 Bossip page titles undefeated 😂😂

pretnoirnwa: emmersdrawberry: foodiebliss: 9 Killer Milkshakes To Rock Your SummerSource: DelishWhere food lovers unite. ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME I’m just gonna save these

I would sell so many souls right now to be able to shut off my periods until convenient times… Ughhhh my uterus is trying to kill me again…!

…My uterus is trying to kill me ;w; Time to send an email to work and then pray that the meds kick in soon

meisels: potionfoxes: are u guys trying to kill me or what was it really necessary for you to delete my caption and retype it yourself though???

jambandit: zacwells: i want to live with someone who tries to kill me regularly but i’m too clever so they can’t manage it #a cat #you want a pet cat

I can’t wait to be back in Colorado soon. I love being in Kentucky even though the sun is trying to kill me but it’s been a very long week. I’m overthinking everything again and I wish I could just shut up.

ifuckinglovestvincent: ifuckinglovestvincent: ifuckinglovestvincent: uptightcitizensbrigade: tip of the hat to LChat… A FUCKING PORSCHE IS SHE SERIOUSLY TRYING TO KILL ME WHAT THE HELL ANNE OH MY GOD AND IT’S A BOXSTER IM DEAD the paparazzi

naischo: naischo: naischo: it seems like it’s normal to follow several hundred blogs on here?? why do you guys hate yourselves so much i follow 68 blogs and it’s a lot sometimes y’all out here trying to kill me reblog this and write in the tags

fartgallery: i build my snowmen with only 1 arm because if it comes to life and tries to kill me it’ll be easier to stop but if we fall in love we can still hold hands

modelmylove: Good morning and happy Wednesday bombshells. Starting the day off not feeling very well, I have a head and chest cold that is seemingly trying to kill me at the moment. I feel like my head is a bowling ball. I still have to power through

princess-jenna1: kazuki-1: Someone is seriously trying to kill me… What a way to go

carminapossunt: seascribe: snoochie-boochiess: Are you trying to kill me THE ONE WITH THE BABY THOUGH. Okay, I wasn’t going to reblog this — but then I got to the puppy at the end. In the rack of Beanie Babies. You win, Internet, you win.

orlandofox: Could you imagine if old Chica and/or old Bonnie were really trying to check up on the new guy to make sure the new ones didn’t give him any trouble? Hehee. <3

peniswakt-deactivated20210717:peniswakt-deactivated20210717:just ate an edible hopefully i dont explodeglad to see that my loving followers are still trying to kill me

ask-glittershell: ask-glittershell: mylittlechangeling: A gift for @ask-glittershell to celebrate their blogs anniversary! Oh god I can’t handle this it’s too cute Doppel is trying to kill me help You’re amazing at what you do gurl, don’t

sithahsoka: padme + being reckless and running into danger i don’t need more security, i need answers. i want to know who’s trying to kill me.

401jawn: moisemorancy: *WARNING EXPLICIT LANGUAGE* “He was touching a little 15 yr old girl!”“He tried to KILL me!”“DON’T TOUCH HER AGAIN!.”“He lunged at me and he went in his pocket.” So I’m on my way home from the studio finalizing

Where are those checklists of things to do before you take your suicidal ideation seriously? I had breakfast, I’m not too tired, what’s up brain, why you trying to kill me?

lambchop2xcombo: I wish that my ovaries would write me a polite and sincere letter every 28 days regarding my pregnancy status instead of trying to kill me and escape from their cage every month.

asongofmarvelanddc: Me: Killmonger should’ve lived. T’Challa: He tried to kill me. Twice. Me:

jmyk: My rifle, without me, is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me.

missmollypond: Tony makes a “my best friend turned evil and tried to kill me” support group to mess with Steve and Bucky and is unpleasantly surprised when half the Marvel universe shows up

badpup82: I have a shadow….everywhere I go, he is right behind me….I think this wolf is trying to kill me 😳 #silentWolf #ghost

oliviatheelf: How I Stayed Alive When My Brain was Trying to Kill Me by Susan Rose Blauner I wanted to post this because this was a book that helped save my life. I know that there might be others out there looking for advice on how to help with suicidal

fluoresensitive: women writers be like ‘i am hungry, i am god, i am endless, i am nature and nature lives within me. god tried to kill me once but i devoured him then bought a pack of skittles b/c he wasn’t enough’ And I am here for it.

incorrectsterekquotes:peter: What did I ever do to you?lydia: You tried to kill me and a bunch of other people for fun.peter: Okay but other than that?

hittings: “Do you remember when you rode with me in the ambulance after I tried to kill myself? That’s what love feels like.” Skins (S1:E1, S2:E5)

maytheodds: DID ANY ONE ELSE HAVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN PEETA ACTUALLY SAID “ALWAYS” IN THE CATCHING FIRE MOVIE LIKE ARE U FUCKIN KIDDING ME FRANCIS ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME

fartgallery: i build my snowmen with only 1 arm because if it comes to life and tries to kill me it’ll be easier to stop but if we fall in love we can still hold hands

newenglandhardcore: My cat tries to kill me from time to time

ambers-obsession: tibets: remember when i dug a hole and put myself in it because i wanted to be closer to the earth and i wanted to feel like a plant and then this fucking old man came and tried to kill me i think that’s enough internet for one

brofancy: vidot: igirisu: “Get married, huh…” oh my fucking god england the way you are smoking that cigarette i have never been so aroused. (ty spain for translating this for me!) OMFG ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME WITH THESE GLORIOUS SMOKING

danaxlove: foreveralone-lyguy: ambers-obsession: tibets: remember when i dug a hole and put myself in it because i wanted to be closer to the earth and i wanted to feel like a plant and then this fucking old man came and tried to kill me i think

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