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idreamofbrother: I told my brother we could only go this far. He said we’d try that for five minutes and then he’d tell me how far we were going to go.
blackmansbride: He was glad she told him it was OK to skip the condom. She’s on birth control. What he didn’t tell her was that the last five girls he dated that said they were on birth control got pregnant anyway. Of those five, he’s still
wannabepreggo: My next-door neighbor said he’d given up on the idea of romance when his wife died five years ago. I don’t know anything about romance, but I know he’s got five years of cum backed up in his balls and I’ve got a pussy just waiting
ghostofzeon: Bruce Lee had me up to three miles a day, really at a good pace. We’d run the three miles in twenty-one or twenty-two minutes. So this morning he said to me, “We’re going to go five.” I said, “Bruce, I can’t go five. I’m a
jaynelovesdick: he is five years younger than you, twice your size and i love it when he fucks me i told him i didn’t do blow jobs and he said if someone doesn’t suck my cock i am never going to fuck you again why did you cum to mind sweetie learn
leader-of-standing-purgatorians: i swear when he said to stop the first time i stopped for a good five minutes Th companions always look anyway.
dougtfs: “Just give me five more pounds of muscle,” Tony begged. “Just five.” “Okay,” I said. “But you know that with each pound you get a little dumber.” “I can take it,” he said. “I just gotta … I gotta get huge.” He flexed
russianspacegeckosexparty: actualvampireang: my boyfriend said he was gonna email me this ~fantasy~ about us, so i’m expecting a dirty email and he just sent it and it starts off with five paragraphs of worldbuilding i swear to fucking god. Imagine
acutelesbian: A five year old at the gas station said he liked my “bat woman” tattoo excitedly. His father condescendingly asked how many I had. I told him I had 11. He scoffed and asked how waiting tables all my life sounded and I said, “it’s
x-i-l-verify: earthdad: a young child: *tells me basic knowledge* me: no way!!!!!!!! 00000000000: #one time a five year old asked me what the world was made of and i said ‘rocks and dirt and water and stuff’#and he said ‘no silly it’s made
micdotcom:Even Beck agrees with Kanye “Beck needs to respect artistry, he should have given his award to Beyoncé.” That’s what Kanye West said to E! after the Grammys. Beck’s response though, was everything you’d expect from a now-five-time
beesarealiens: tockthewatchdog: why did they not cut to leia at all when he said this. why did they cut to han for like five straight seconds. i know we needed the jealous han reaction but i honest to god thought lando was talking to han #those were
“This is dispatch, we’re also sending one time”
once upon a time in a city so divine called west side compton, stood a lil’ nigga he was five foot something. god blessed the kid. took his homies to the show and this is what they said.
reigns-roman: DEAN GAVE ME A HIGH FIVE AND I SAID GOOD LUCK AT ELIMINATION CHAMBER AND HE SAID BABY I DONT NEED LUCK IM ALREADY WALKING OUT CHAMPION OMFGGGGG
aubreysoda: hikikomoriganglifeforever: today at the little five points halloween parade a hip urban youth dressed as a penguin walked past me and i said “i like your angry birds costume” and he turned around and said “what the FUCK dude i’m
augustkeycouple: Day five of no orgasm for Lover. Mostly if not all by his choice. I begged him yesterday morning to cum while we were fucking and he said, “The best way to show I love you is to give everything to you.” No caged sex with toys,
starsandgutters: When Oscar Wilde was asked to list his 100 favourite books he said he couldn’t because “I have only written five”.
winnieportleyrind: A few weeks ago I was talking with some weird dudebro guy about wrestling and I said I really liked John Cena (because I do) and he said “aha if you like John Cena name five of his songs.” As a joke and was shocked when I actually
67-cassbutts: dadclaus: dadclaus: why did the cucumber blush because he saw the salad dressing I spent a solid five minutes trying to understand this joke because I thought it said Cumberbatch and I didnt understand what he had to do with salads.
ultimategryffindork: flushed-quadrant: starsandgutters: not-the-very-button: starsandgutters: When Oscar Wilde was asked to list his 100 favourite books he said he couldn’t because “I have only written five”. Don’t forget his famous last
khenti-renaissance: Anthony Bolin, 5 years old, five months after being shot in his living room. The doctor said that he would be fine, but his grandmother noticed a change in his attitude. “He’s become tougher, like a teenager,” she said. “Kids
cosmic-horizon: The barber asked if I was interested in getting a design done. When I said, “sure, go nuts, ” he high-fived me and did this. 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😛😍😛😛😍😍😍
he's lying to u girl
i-miss-castiel: Dean said Cas isn’t an it, he’s Cas Dean said Cas is family Dean prioritized saving Cas over everything Dean’s voice got so soft and gentle the five seconds he was able to talk to Cas Cas’s mindspace is the Bunker Mention of Dean
o0leah-sophia0o: Okay, I was watching the reaction of this dude when I get to this part and he said this! My eyes open like hell! I was like: Wait! wtf I just heard! did he-…*replayed many times* HOLY SHIT!! EVEN THIS GUY SEE IT!!! Zote’s Reaction
flushed-quadrant: starsandgutters: not-the-very-button: starsandgutters: When Oscar Wilde was asked to list his 100 favourite books he said he couldn’t because “I have only written five”. Don’t forget his famous last words: “Either this
uglymurican: “Bet you wish I’d cleaned that shit, donchu bitch?” I got in trouble once and I had to do this for five hours straight and whenever I stopped he smacked my ass so hard that it immediately became red and swollen. He said it was my
acutelesbian:A five year old at the gas station said he liked my “bat woman” tattoo excitedly. His father condescendingly asked how many I had. I told him I had 11. He scoffed and asked how waiting tables all my life sounded and I said, “it’s
sexboxer: tester1001me: She looked back at her husband and said “when we get in the club…act like you don’t know me….understand?” He said “I understand” She ran into five guys she fucked the past month going to the club. They were waiting
sherlockssunglasses: “Twenty-five years ago, Franklin Roosevelt spoke to my generation. “Youth: hold fast to your dream,” he said. In other words don’t give up your ideals of peace, freedom, justice, truth - the way as many adults do. When
also today some kid mentioned the red hot chili peppers and i was like “oh i love that band” and they were like “oh yeah name five songs by them” and i listed five of my favourites and he hesitated and then said “maybe you do like them”
pinkletss: i went to five guys burgers & fries today and the cashier guy paid for my burger. ;w; he said i made him smile. I WILL NOT FORGET YOU CASHIER GUY you make anyone smile
ultrafacts: At one point he had a five-year, ี million contract with the St. Louis Rams. “My agent told me, ‘You’re making the biggest mistake of your life,’” said Brown. “And I looked right back at him and I said, ‘No I’m
ultrafacts: David decided to get in a screaming match with producer Dick Ebersol five minutes before the show was set to start. “This f**king show stinks!” he said, before quitting and storming out. “Monday morning I go back into the office,
pfwb: zombiethekidd: 954lgnd: Church Gunman Reportedly Said: ‘I have to do it’Sylvia Johnson, a cousin of church shooting victim Pastor Clementa Pinckney says she spoke with one of the survivors “and she said that he had reloaded five different
house-of-gnar: gray-firearms: militarymom: SGT Dylan’s pic, he said all five Marines inside survived the IED. God bless the troops Marines, tougher than a fuckin 2 dollar steak
ghoulishghosty: also today some kid mentioned the red hot chili peppers and i was like “oh i love that band” and they were like “oh yeah name five songs by them” and i listed five of my favourites and he hesitated and then said “maybe you do
castielshoweringnaked: welcometoellesworld: My heart is broken.Oh, David. don’t forget that he said five minutes later he was crying in his trailer
954lgnd: Church Gunman Reportedly Said: ‘I have to do it’Sylvia Johnson, a cousin of church shooting victim Pastor Clementa Pinckney says she spoke with one of the survivors “and she said that he had reloaded five different times… and he just
fuckyeahloldemort: also today some kid mentioned the red hot chili peppers and i was like “oh i love that band” and they were like “oh yeah name five songs by them” and i listed five of my favourites and he hesitated and then said “maybe you
starsandgutters: not-the-very-button: starsandgutters: When Oscar Wilde was asked to list his 100 favourite books he said he couldn’t because “I have only written five”. Don’t forget his famous last words: “Either this wallpaper goes, or
